Being single is more than what someone can bargain for. Don’t look at me as a hypocrite that is going back and forth between why it’s good to be in love and why it’s good to be single now that I’m single…please. But understand my situation before you judge. I was in a 5 year relationship and before that, a 2 year relationship. I was in relationships with people since I was 15 years old. It is bizarre, I know. But when thinking about it all, it really is. I barely knew myself- what I liked, what I wanted, who I am and wanted to be. Don’t take me as cocky in this next sentence because I promise you it’s only the truth and I don’t know why (because of my insecurities) but it just worked out that way. The people I was dating wanted to be with me right away and I was too young, naive and caught up to even second guess it. I should’ve though. I don’t know why or how after such a short time of talking to someone they decided right away that we should be together and I did not protest, but life works in mysterious ways. Anyway, now being on my own-truly and actually- without someone since I was 15 (my two failed relationships 15-17yrs old and 17-23yrs old) I am finally seeing things clearly. And boy, let me tell you…it is freeing. I feel like a new person. I am no longer responsible for things I should have never applied to be responsible for at such a young age. I didn’t know love or what it really meant. In fact, some days I believe I really never fell in love. I know that’s a broad statement but I do feel that way. I don’t think I was actually head over heels, madly and can’t sleep, can’t think, can’t breathe without my partner kind of love. I think I’ve always been “just comfortable.” Like Carrie Bradshaw (my idol and inspiration) said, “I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” Not now, but when it comes the time that I am looking for love- that is the only kind I will take. I can honestly say, I don’t believe I have been that way about any of the people I was ever with. Being single and on my own helped me realize that. I love being single. There is something so beautiful and amazing about loving and being confident about yourself when you’re alone. And I am learning that loving myself makes me even better.
There are many reasons why being single is not only amazing, but super beneficial for your well being and this is my list of why.
1. You have the free time to really and truly love yourself for who you are.
When you’re in a relationship, I feel it is easy to forget the things that you love about yourself and only rely on what your partner loves about you. You are completely blinded by what makes you special and awesome without the consent of your partner’s views. Sometimes, in some relationships you drift away from the things that make you, you and become so apart of who your partner is..you lose yourself. When you’re single, you only have time to think about you.
2. You experience things you may not have experienced before.
You have the freedom and care-free attitude to do whatever YOU want. You don’t have to think about anyone else or what others might feel and chase whatever feeling or experience that is placed in front of you. Maybe a one-night stand? That trip to Europe you’ve been itching to take…the world is yours to wander.
3. No more guilt or empathy.
When you’re in a relationship, sometimes you feel like it can be a burden. When loving someone else, you automatically put their feelings in perspective and make decisions based on how they would feel. When you’re alone, you don’t feel guilty about anything.
4. No faking or pretending.
There are times when you’re in a relationship that you want to be supportive or your mate’s best team mate. You want to like things that they like or do things they want to do because it makes them happy. When you’re alone- the only focus you have is being exactly who you want to be, where you want to be and become your true self.
5. No fights for no reason.
I can’t tell you the amount of times I wound up getting into pointless fights with exs over stupid things that didn’t matter because someone was drunk or someone said the wrong thing. When you’re single there is no pressure or frustrations. There are no distractions and no petty fights that last for days without a justifiable reason.
6. Goals you want to accomplish seem to be more in reach.
Maybe I’m just speaking for myself, but when I’m in a relationship- I get lazy to a degree. I am consumed in the relationship more than things that are actually important to me. Those things get put on the back burner. When you’re single you can truly strive and push yourself to do the things you haven’t had a chance to do. You have the free time to accomplish things you wanted to do before it becomes too late.
7.You always stay on point.
In relationships, you tend to slack (sometimes and not everyone) on how you look and what you do. It’s easy when your in relationship for a while to not keep yourself fit or looking good because you think, “Oh “so and so loves me for me so I don’t care.” You should want to look and feel your best for YOU. Regardless of the fact that you have a partner or not. Working on myself is my daily and biggest commitment and I truly think once you’re happy with yourself- nothing can get in your way.
8. Saying yes to opportunities.
Taking a job across oceans? Lusting over that person that you met at a bar that one time…every opportunity is yours and only yours to say yes to. And if you ask me- SAY YES.
9. Being able to find things you really want and like.
There are times in a relationship you find yourself settling because you’re in love. Well, I say fuck that. Life is too short to have shitty sex or settle for mediocre. Find what you like and test out the waters before strapping yourself down and settling forever. (You won’t regret it)
10. When you know when it’s right, you can finally step out of the game.
When you finally had your fair share of people, games and the single life. You have been alone long enough and know when you have found someone worth keeping. You love yourself and know what you deserve. You no longer settle or feel doubt because you have taken your time and you been through the fire and back. You can look yourself in the mirror and smile. Then you can look at the person you finally see yourself settling down with and not just say, “okay this will do.” But, “I am so happy I am no longer on my own.”